can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all

relivethemagic @ 2009-12-27T02:51:00

2009-12-27T07:51:26Z

Mono, lung infection, Asthma.

I don't understand.

relivethemagic @ 2009-11-30T22:58:00

2009-12-01T03:58:19Z

just give me November, the warmth of a whisper
in the freezing darkness of my room

relivethemagic @ 2009-11-05T01:03:00

2009-11-05T06:03:11Z

Dear Chase,
I feel like I can call you “Chase” because you and me are so much alike. I would love to meet you someday. It would be great to have a catch. I know I can’t throw as fast as you, but I think you would be impressed with my speed. I love your hair, you run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither. These are all things we can talk about, and more. I know you have not been getting my letters because I know you would write back if you did, and I hope you write back this time and we get to be good friends. I am sure our relationship would be a real home run! Rooting for you!

relivethemagic @ 2009-10-30T01:44:00

2009-10-30T05:44:59Z

Holy shit New Order is so good why did no one tell me this.

relivethemagic @ 2009-10-21T21:22:00

2009-10-22T01:22:58Z

please stay a while
like ice cream floats and dreams
and I will fill your heart with boats and bells
and beams and candy-appled everythings
bells and beams and candy-appled everythings

relivethemagic @ 2009-10-19T22:50:00

2009-10-20T02:50:09Z

Art renders the sight of life bearable by laying over it the gauze of impure thinking.

relivethemagic @ 2009-10-17T03:06:00

2009-10-17T07:06:39Z

Wanting to live and laugh all the time
Sitting alone with you tea and your crime

relivethemagic @ 2009-10-16T01:11:00

2009-10-16T05:11:39Z

Neutral Milk Hotel never ceases to blow my mind.

relivethemagic @ 2009-10-14T16:29:00

2009-10-14T20:36:15Z

But everybody has exactly the same smiling frightened face, with the look that says: "I'm important. If you only get to know me, you will see how important I am. Look into my eyes. Kiss me, and you will see how important I am."

relivethemagic @ 2009-10-01T03:07:00

2009-10-01T07:07:29Z

a distorted reality is now a necessity to be free

relivethemagic @ 2009-09-19T13:49:00

2009-09-19T17:51:10Z

I never give you my pillow
I only send you my invitation
And in the middle of the celebrations
I break down

relivethemagic @ 2009-08-28T01:57:00

2009-08-28T05:57:57Z

Sometimes I get so lonely I forget what day it is, and how to spell my name.

relivethemagic @ 2009-08-24T02:59:00

2009-08-24T07:03:42Z

Yea well. Whatever. Guess I can't really say I didn't expect this to happen.

My mom keeps telling me now, "DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP", for everything. And I know this is angsty and cynical and ridiculous but I don't really have any high hopes for anything in my life right now. I really, truly just feel like I go to sleep everyday to wake up to the same thing. I know getting back to school will make me feel better but right now my life is flatlined.

relivethemagic @ 2009-08-04T01:30:00

2009-08-04T05:30:47Z

The moths beat themselves to death against the lights.
Adding their breeze to the summer nights.
Outside, water like air was great.
I didn't know what I had that day.
Walk a little farther to another plan.
You said that you did, but you didn't understand.

relivethemagic @ 2009-06-13T23:23:00

2009-06-14T03:24:43Z

The defects and faults in the mind are like wounds in the body. After all imaginable care has been taken to heal them up, still there will be a scar left behind.

I feel like that sometimes. I just keep thinking back to the shit I've been through because of my mind and I wonder if I'm scarred.

relivethemagic @ 2009-05-30T23:41:00

2009-05-31T03:42:16Z

Guess who's the only person under 50 who has shingles?
Guess who can't work or get a job for two weeks?
Guess who's going to be doped up on percocets for two weeks?

Yea.

relivethemagic @ 2009-05-20T23:25:00

2009-05-21T03:29:54Z

Hommmmeeeee.
I've decided to be vegan for the summer, it's actually really easy, I've been cooking all my own meals.
Joining a gym tomorrow, excited, I seriously feel 10x better when I run.
Applying to daycares everywhere since the last one didn't have enough kids to take me back for the summer. Hiiirrrreee mmmeeeee.
I finally got netflix and right now it's full of like 30 discs of Criminal Minds. Yesssss.
Yea, nothing really noteworthy.

relivethemagic @ 2009-05-11T00:14:00

2009-05-11T04:15:35Z

well the pills i got
they ask me, "let's go out for awhile"
and the knives up in the kitchen
are all too dull to smile
and the sun, it tries to warn me,
"boy those wings are made of wax"
while the things i do to kill me
they just tell me to relax

relivethemagic @ 2009-05-05T03:29:00

2009-05-05T07:33:03Z

i want school to be done so i can read and watch French movies and sleep and lay around and see my friends and drink and smoke and work and be lazy and party and dance and think and write and draw and love and have sleep overs and smile

relivethemagic @ 2009-04-27T18:25:00

2009-04-27T22:34:24Z

This girl next to me in the computer lab is making a powerpoint on Twilight. YOU ARE IN COLLEGE. COLLEGE!
On the other hand, GQ's article on Robert Pattinson is hilarious. I want to go to LA and microwave stuff with him.
In other news I have soooo much work to do and I think I'm coming down with the swine flu. No, really. I was in the hospital for my asthma when the threat of SARS was really big, I think I just get really sick every time there's some ridiculous respiratory illness floating around. But I can't smoke until this passes and aghhh I want a cigarette.
I need to write two 10-12 page papers. ): One on Manet's Lady with the Parrot and another on the art that people from genocides make. Boo school.

relivethemagic @ 2009-04-24T17:06:00

2009-04-24T17:09:37Z

I made a lot of mistakes.
I made a lot of mistakes.
I made a lot of mistakes.
I made a lot of mistakes.

relivethemagic @ 2009-04-24T16:40:00

2009-04-24T17:02:30Z

Am I the only one that just wants to get the fuck out of New Jersey? Seriously I can't handle this state anymore. Also, how depressing is the New York skyline?

relivethemagic @ 2009-04-02T20:06:00

2009-04-02T20:24:27Z

I want to go back to the beginning of this semester and just start over. I fucked so much up and I don't even know how I did it.

relivethemagic @ 2009-01-27T01:13:00

2009-01-27T06:19:29Z

I had a fucking awful dream where I was laying in someone (someone particular)'s room, on my side on the floor on a carpet. I had my mouth open and blood and spit were dripping from it and soaking into the carpet. I was really weak and could barely stand and whenever I would lift myself up on my elbow I would spit up more blood. The person whose room it was started mopping up the blood with paper towels and I was apologizing but they kept saying it was ok. Eventually I stood up, said "I think I'm really sick..." and left. The whole time it was happening though no one really cared or said anything. I seriously feel like it's a metaphor for my life right now.

Also, my fish died and I pierced under my collarbones.

relivethemagic @ 2008-12-25T19:28:00

2008-12-26T00:29:20Z

and Christmas has never felt colder
I've never felt colder