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relivethemagic

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can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all

Created on 2003-09-28 18:59:31 (#1355997), last updated 2009-06-14

291 comments received, 2,520 comments posted

Basic Account [Gift]

326 Journal Entries, 0 Tags, 2 Memories, 0 Virtual Gifts, 6 Userpics

Basic Info

Name:	Colleen
Birthdate:	1988-03-28
Location:	Somerdale, New Jersey, United States
Website:	Myspace

Contact:

relivethemagic@gmail.com

Bio

I am vertical,
But I would rather be horizontal.
I am not a tree with my root in the soil
Sucking up minerals and motherly love
So that each March I may gleam into leaf,
Nor am I the beauty of a garden bed
Attracting my share of Ahs and spectacularly painted,
Unknowing I must soon unpetal.
Compared with me, a tree is immortal
And a flower-head not tall, but more startling,
And I want the one's longevity and the other's daring.

Tonight, in the infinitesimal light of the stars,
The trees and the flowers have been strewing their cool odors.
I walk among them, but none of them are noticing.
Sometimes I think that when I am sleeping
I must most perfectly resemble them--
Thoughts gone dim.
It is more natural to me, lying down.
Then the sky and I are in open conversation,
And I shall be useful when I lie down finally:
Then the trees may touch me for once, and the flowers have time for me.

They say your entire life flashes in front of your eyes when you die. It's not really your entire life, it's just the moments that stood out... And they're not the ones you'd expect, either.

The moments you remember are tiny ones, some you haven't thought of in year, If you've thought of them at all... But in the last second of your life, you remember them with astonishing clarity, because they're just so... beautiful... that they must have been imprinted, on like a cellular level.
For me it was, lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars. And yellow leaves from the ginkgo trees that lined our street. Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper. And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new GTO. And the way I felt when Angela first smiled at me...

I guess I could be pretty pissed about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life...

You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure... but don't worry... you will...

"C'est l'histoire d'un mec qui tombe d'un immeuble de cinquante étages au fur et à mesure de sa chute il se répète sans cesse pour se rassurer: jusqu'ici tout va bien, jusqu'ici tout va bien, jusqu'ici tout va bien... mais l'important, c'est pas la chute, c'est l'atterrissage."

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